My moment of grace

I was just reading Ann Voskamp's blog and found myself straining to see the words as tears welled up in my eyes and slid down my cheeks.  She wrote about the moment all moms come to at some point...or many points throughout the day, week, month...  That moment you are harsher with your child than you ever thought you would be and than you ever want to admit you were.  I haven't been doing this mom thing long, but I've had the moment.  As I read I pictured my beautiful girl's little face with tears flowing, mouth wide open, a loudness expressing the sadness she's feeling...and I've caused it....and I'm the only thing she wants to make it better.  I remember holding her and sobbing.  Feeling so incredibly undeserving of her little arms wrapped around my neck and completely awed that I can comfort her after I am the one who caused her pain.  And I'm thankful...for the grace she's showing me.  She's teaching me about love and relationship...and I'm thankful.  I am still amazed that the Lord has given me two amazing, beautiful, joyful, sweet, energetic little girls to raise.  I'm so undeserving of these blessings...but like a great gift we sometimes feel undeserving of and would give up if asked, I would never let go of these precious ones.  They've changed me like no one else ever could or ever will.  Motherhood is so ordinary and so extra ordinarily beyond my comprehension all at the same time.  For this joyous task I feel less than equipped...so thankful that God will equip me as I go....and reliant on grace for those embarrassingly harsh moments when my little one wraps her arms around me, snuggles in, and we both find our comfort in each other.  

This Journey

This morning the Lord struck me with a freeing and peace-bringing statement that really came out of the blue.  I was not thinking particularly about our upcoming move to Turkey or the process that we will go through to accomplish it.  I was just singing, feeding my daughter her bottle, thankful to be surrounded by friends.  And the Lord said....this is your journey.  This journey is simply your life; your journey is what I take you through to know me more.  How simple.  How deep.  How true.  This life isn't about my comfort.  My life is about knowing God deeply and out of the depth, love propelling me to glorify him in all I do so that others might know him too.  That is my journey and however the Lord leads me in life, it is with that purpose.  I feel safe knowing that.  I feel that I can release my grip on what I think I have control of.  I feel I can stop fighting the journey, fighting God.  I can hold out my hands, palms up, waiting to be led and knowing it is all part of my journey.